This is part of Beyond Networking, a 40-page companion guide to the Community Made podcast by Jayson Gaignard. You can download the full book here.
Next-Level Relationship Building
Once you’ve established a strong relationship base, the key becomes subtraction, not addition.
We can only maintain active relationships with 150 people, known as Dunbar’s number, so being intentional about who we spend our time with remains essential as our networks expand.
Jayson says he goes wide with his networking and narrow with his nurturing.
This episode focuses on the former, exploring how to organize your network. The next episode explores the latter, sharing ways to pour into your relationships.
But before we discuss organizing our relationships, we must dispel some misconceptions.
The 5 Relationship-Building Misconceptions
Misconception #1: Prioritize Relationships Based on People’s Success
The best way to build a world-class network is by prioritizing world-class people.
This doesn’t mean prioritizing those who are most successful, but rather those who are most dedicated to growth. Choose to see someone’s potential over their current accomplishments.
If you do this, you’ll watch those amazing people become increasingly amazing over time.
Misconception #2: Create a Tribe Like You
Surrounding yourself with similar people may be comfortable, but it’s rarely transformative.
The strongest networks are full of people who challenge you. You may have different strengths, divergent skills, or even disagree on fundamental issues. But you also care deeply for one another, provide unexpected insights, and encourage growth.
As Jayson says, “if everyone is thinking alike, then somebody probably isn’t thinking.”
Misconception #3: Relationships Are Forever
From true love to BFFs, we’ve somehow absorbed the idea that relationships are meant to last. But in reality, life brings change. Some people really are in life for a reason or a season.
Instead of measuring relationships by length, value them by the growth they’ve prompted.
Misconception #4: Prioritizing Relationships Means Writing People Off
In the relationship-building world, you want to avoid burning bridges at all costs.
Life is unpredictable and people will surprise you, so it’s wise to be nice to everyone.
If you absolutely must disassociate from someone, lead with compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. As a rule of thumb, Jayson often waits 24 hours before sending tense emails.
You never know if you’ll run into someone and you don’t want there to be bad blood.
Misconception #5: Relationships Die If Not Maintained
This misconception goes hand-in-hand with our belief that relationships are forever. Life changes inevitably leave us with thousands of relationships that could be rekindled and become strong ties. Researcher Adam Grant calls these people you used to know “dormant ties.”
The beauty of prioritizing relationships is that no decision needs to be permanent. You can always change plans and prioritize different relationships based on your wants and needs.
Jayson’s Relationship Prioritization Framework
While everyone prioritizes relationships differently, Jayson’s strategy provides valuable lessons.
Visually, his framework looks like a series of expanding concentric circles, like a target. The first layer, core, is the bullseye, and each successive layer is a ring around it.
Here’s each layer explained:
The Bullseye: Core
The first circle is full of the most important people in your life. These are the people who truly have your back and would never let you go hungry or sleep on the street.
If you’re just starting with relationship-building, begin by developing a strong core.
And even if you already have a robust network, prioritize this circle. You never realize how much you need these relationships until you suddenly do.
Ring #1: Connectors
Jayson’s next circle is made up of the people who know everybody. He always says that “access is the ultimate asset” and connectors are the best way to get disproportionate levels of access.
To identify connectors, start by looking backwards. Who is responsible for many of your best relationships? Those people are likely connectors.
Ring #2: Community
After connectors, Jayson’s third circle is community. This is your tribe, the group of people you’d likely consider your friends.
It can be helpful to fill your community with an even mix of mentors, peers, and mentees.
Mentors help you look to the next level, calling you into growth.
Peers keep you accountable at your current stage, walking through challenges with you.
Mentees provide perspective, reminding you how far you’ve come.
Filling your community with all three helps you meet your needs and serve others.
Ring #3: Friendly
The three C’s—Core, Connectors, and Community—put Jayson at 150 people.
After reaching Dunbar’s number, Jayson has two additional circles: Friendly and Fringe.
Friendly includes people with whom he has a positive relationship. If he can ask for an introduction without overstepping, the person is probably in the ‘friendly’ category.
Jayson frequently builds goodwill in these relationships through mastermind dinners and micro-interactions, like texting them a book recommendation.
Ring #4: Fringe
Fringe is the final layer of Jayson’s relationship framework.
These are people Jayson’s friends know, even if he doesn’t know them personally. They’re your 2nd degree connections on LinkedIn.
To tap into your fringe layer, Jayson advises reaching out to your network whenever you need help. There’s a lot of power in sharing your needs and letting others offer introductions or solutions. And if you’ve been deliberate to plant seeds of goodwill, people will be happy to help.
The world isn’t always about “who you know,” but also “who knows you.”
Relationship-Building Consistency
If you’re serious about maintaining relationships, it can be helpful to develop deliberate practices for strengthening bonds.
These routines ensure you keep pouring into relationships even when life is hectic.
A few of Jayson’s practices include:
- Booking 1+ hour on Sunday to schedule emails.
- Dedicating time to add information to his personal CRMs.
- Hosting mastermind dinners at least once every two months (often when traveling).
Whether you copy his practices or develop your own, creating routines for relationship management is key to sustaining a strong, positive, and healthy network.
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